Hope for the Oppressed

 "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed." (Psalms 9:9)

Have you ever felt oppressed by others? Perhaps as a child you felt helpless or oppressed. Or maybe as you grew up there was a friend or a loved one who caused you to feel oppressed by their hurtful actions towards you. For those newly married or married for years, you may at times experience feelings of oppression. You may unwittingly be the one who is the oppressor. Whatever the case, change only comes when we choose to change ourselves. Particularly when it comes to your spouse. Here are some excerpts for Leslie Vernick's book, The Emotionally Abusive Marriage. I've found the insights helpful for me and others who may find themselves unhappy about certain aspects of their marriage. Here, she specifically talks about the importance of focusing on yourself as a source of change. 

1.  Change requires self-awareness. "Self awareness is an essential skill we must learn if we want to grow, change, and have a good relationship with God and others." This quote she shares reminds me of the verse in Proverbs 14:8:  "The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit." Fools are: 1) easily deceived, 2) sometimes deceivers, 3)  and prone to unknowingly deceive themselves. Self-deceit is like self-denial which both impede self-awareness. We must be self-aware enough to know whether we are being honest with ourselves on how we are in the marriage relationship. 
2. Change Happens when we believe God's Words above all else. Here is a quote that I love: "Your core value does not rest on the words of your husband or your mother or your father or even your best friend. It rests on God's words because he's the only one who will always tell you the truth all the time. People change. They fail. They lie. Their knowledge is limited, their thinking distorted, and their hearts are not always pure or good...When you depend on human beings to define your identity you will never be stable or healthy." Case closed. God's word above anyone else's holds the final say.  
3. Change happens when we take responsibility for our part of the marital dysfunction. "Women who feel disappointed in their marriages often realize that in their sadness and hurt, they've become critical and contemptuous toward their husbands, often belittling their weaknesses and disrespecting them in front of the children." This is a hard one, because it's a natural to respond with hurt or pain when we've been wronged. But ultimately, we are responsible for how we respond to bad behavior.  As we submit our hurt feelings to God, we can maintain integrity when we do not respond with the same ugliness hurled against us. We can choose to not lash out when people mistreat us. It's hard, but it's possible. 
4. Change requires self-reflection "It takes time and energy to be quiet and reflect about who you are, what you think, how you feel, what's important to you, and what you want (or don't want)."  Self-awareness is simply being aware. However, self-reflection is setting time aside to think, process, and take action. Taking time to think through our feelings/values can strengthen our resolve to move forward and take action in a specific way. 

These are just a few of the ideas regarding change. Change begins with ourselves. We cannot stop oppression from happening, but we can choose to not allow others to oppress us by giving them the power to determine our value. God and God alone is the one who does that. I'm thankful for these little insights. I can rest in God's word that He loves me and determines my value. I am so grateful for all of these things.