Never Forsaken

 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

This is an often quoted Bible verse found in Hebrews, but taken from the old testament in Deuteronomy. The children of Israel are about to enter into the promised land and Moses is giving his last words of encouragement. He reminds them that God will go with them in gaining victory over the people of the land they are to inherit. He was shifting leadership and Joshua was the one to carry them into the promised land. Moses says to them: "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

I imagined some of them were scared and afraid. I imagine they were uncertain of how they would actually enter into the promised land without Moses. This whole scenario makes me think of my own victories that God wants to help me win. The things that I fear and feel incapable of doing. I think of the small daily challenges and the big ones too. 

As I look at the upcoming year, I will face the challenges with courage. There are things I fear, that I know I must do in order to experience the joy of a new experience with God. I love the verse that follows Hebrews 13:5. "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, what can man do to me?"

If God is calling me to do something that I fear, I am to remind myself that there is truly nothing to fear. He will never leave me nor forsake me, I want to boldly be able to say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, what can man do to me?" 

Most of the challenges we face are rooted in fear. If God is calling us to walk through a valley, we ought not to fear. This very thing is what I want to teach my children. I pray that they will gain experiences throughout their daily life that assures them of God's unfailing presence and power in their lives. 

I look to the new year with excitement. I will soon see the things that I fear, crumble under my feet. For I will walk in courage and with God right by my side. I welcome the New Year as the Lord is on my side. Lord, prepare me, I want to be ready. 

Prayers of the Righteous

 "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."James 5:16

The Prayer. Prayer is a conversation between me and God. Sometimes I speak, other times I listen. It is a way for me to share what is on my heart. It is also a way for me to listen to what God wants to tell me. The Holy spirit takes our prayers and interprets them to the throne of God. 

Of a Righteous person. A  righteous person is one who is made right with God. They have faith in Jesus and believe that His life has covered their sins. They are justified (just as if I'd not sin) They trust that their prayers are reaching God's throne. 

Is Powerful. Powerful prayers carry weight, it is rich in content, it is real, full of passion and emotion, like a gust of wind or a rushing river. It is like David's prayers in Psalms, which are all great examples of how and what to pray for.

And Effective. It is "successful at producing a desired or intended result" (Oxford definition) God hears our prayers. He is available. That is an effective prayer when we know that our prayers have reached the throne of God regardless of how WE want Him to move. His ways are above our ways. He will always answer according to our good and in movement towards our ultimate salvation.  When asking in prayer we receive, in seeking we find, in knocking the door is opened.  We may not see the results immediately. But in asking for things clearly according to God's will, (fruits of the spirit, God-like character, forgiveness of sins, etc.) the answer is immediate. For we can be confident if we ask anything according to His will and we know that He hears those prayers. 

This is truth. These things we ought to remember. We claim the righteousness of Christ as we pray trusting that our prayers reach God. He longs to answer our prayers. I choose to receive Him today. Test Him, Try Him. He will not fail you. 

Reflections on Wisdom

 "The Lord gives me wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:6)

Oh how I want to receive the wisdom from God. Why does it seem so elusive to obtain His wisdom? I don't know, but it doesn't have to be this way.  My prayer is that I and my children and all of my loved ones would come to know wisdom. Here some scriptural insights regarding wisdom. 

Proverbs 8:10,11, 

How do we obtain wisdom?

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy one is understanding." Proverbs 9:10

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction." (Proverbs 1:7)

"...Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to depart from evil is understanding." Job 28:28

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments. His praise endures forever."  (Psalms 111:10)

"The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate." Proverbs 8:13

"In Mercy and truth atonement is provided for iniquity; and by the fear of the Lord one departs from evil." (Proverbs 16:6)

"A wise man fears and departs from evil, but a fool rages and is self-confident." Proverbs 14:16

Hope for the Oppressed

 "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed." (Psalms 9:9)

Have you ever felt oppressed by others? Perhaps as a child you felt helpless or oppressed. Or maybe as you grew up there was a friend or a loved one who caused you to feel oppressed by their hurtful actions towards you. For those newly married or married for years, you may at times experience feelings of oppression. You may unwittingly be the one who is the oppressor. Whatever the case, change only comes when we choose to change ourselves. Particularly when it comes to your spouse. Here are some excerpts for Leslie Vernick's book, The Emotionally Abusive Marriage. I've found the insights helpful for me and others who may find themselves unhappy about certain aspects of their marriage. Here, she specifically talks about the importance of focusing on yourself as a source of change. 

1.  Change requires self-awareness. "Self awareness is an essential skill we must learn if we want to grow, change, and have a good relationship with God and others." This quote she shares reminds me of the verse in Proverbs 14:8:  "The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way, but the folly of fools is deceit." Fools are deceived, are deceivers, and are prone to even unknowingly deceive themselves. Self-deceit is like self-denial which both prevents us from being self-aware.  We must be self-aware enough to know whether we are being honest with ourselves about how we are in the marriage relationship. 
2. Change Happens when we believe God's Words above all else. Here is a quote that I love: "Your core value does not rest on the words of your husband or your mother or your father or even your best friend. It rests on God's words because he's the only one who will always tell you the truth all the time. People change. They fail. They lie. Their knowledge is limited, their thinking distorted, and their hearts are not always pure or good...When you depend on human beings to define your identity you will never be stable or healthy." Case closed. God's word above anyone else's holds the final say.  
3. Change happens when we take responsibility for our part of the marital dysfunction. "Women who feel disappointed in their marriages often realize that in their sadness and hurt, they've become critical and contemptuous toward their husbands, often belittling their weaknesses and disrespecting them in front of the children." This is a hard one, because it's a natural to respond with hurt or pain when we've been wrong. But ultimately, we are responsible for how we respond to bad behavior.  As we submit our hurt feelings to God, we can maintain integrity when we do not respond with the same ugliness hurled against us. We can choose to not allow people to mistreat us in a way where we do not lash out. It's hard, but it's possible. 
4. Change requires self-reflection "It takes time and energy to be quiet and reflect about who you are, what you think, how you feel, what's important to you, and what you want (or don't want)."  Self-awareness is simply being aware where as self reflection is taking time aside to think, process, and take action. Taking time to think through our feelings/values can strengthen our resolve to move forward and take action in a specific way. 

These are just a few of the ideas regarding change. Change begins with ourselves. We cannot stop oppression from happening, but we can choose to not allow others to oppress us by giving them the power to determine our value. God and God alone is the one who does that. I'm thankful for these little insights. I can rest in God's word that He loves me and determines my value. I am so grateful for all of these things. 

Testing, Faith, and Hope

 "When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold." (Job 25:10)

How is it that we are tested and come out as gold? Perhaps it's because when we are tested, we learn the things that lie within our souls that we need to surrender to God. As a result we are better than we were before the trial because we've gained self-understanding. When we are tested, it reveals the true nature of who we are. Trials and challenges show us what we are really made of. 

"You have tested my heart; You have visited me in the night; You have tried me and have found nothing; I have purposed that my mouth shall not transgress. Concerning the works of men, by the word of Your lips, I have kept away from the paths of the destroyer. Uphold my steps in Your paths, that my footsteps may not slip." (Psalms 17:3-5)

"Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; Try my mind and my heart." (Psalms 26:2)

"For You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined, You brought us into the net you laid affliction on our backs, You have caused me to ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water; But you brought us out to rich fulfillment." (Psalms 66:10-11)

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect and complete work in you, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." (James 1:2-5)

"My brethren take the prophets, who spoke in the name of the Lord, as an example of suffering and patience. Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord -- that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful." (James 5:10,11)

"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:1) 

The Lord intends to reveal to us through our trials that He is very compassionate and merciful. The tribulations grow and make us better. We gain perseverance, character, and hope. In spite of suffering, there are lessons to be learned. In spite of the suffering, we can trust that "He is the Rock, His work is perfect; For all his ways are justice, A God of truth and without injustice; Righteous and upright is He." (Deut 32:4) 

I'm so thankful for these truths. For all of these things, I am thankful. 

Saving our Lives

 "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for Me and for the gospel will save it." (Mark 8:35)

    When I read this verse several things come to mind. The most prominent one is the idea of self-protection. It is a human drive to protect ourselves, our safety, and our lives at all costs. This is not wrong and of course it makes complete sense why we would want to protect these things. No one wants to be vulnerable, unsafe, and in peril. The problem arises when we have a distorted idea of what constitutes true protection. We may think true protection is avoiding an uncomfortable conversation. But instead of protecting or saving ourselves, we are actually losing out, because relationships suffer when we avoid authentic communication.  

Surrendering what we believe is self-protection or saving our lives is a matter of trust. Can we trust Jesus enough to redeem our life if we decide to surrender it to Him? Isn't His grand work of saving our lives at Calvary evidence enough of the power He has to save our lives in little matters as well?

 "Whoever loses their life for Me and for the gospel will save it." 

In the bigger picture, Jesus saves our lives if we surrender it to Him and share the gospel even if it costs us our earthly lives. This is a huge matter of trust. It is not unprecedented. Many reformers lost their lives as they chose to follow God instead of man. They sought to make known to all, that salvation in Christ is a gift for all and not for the elite alone. He is available to all. 

As I think of this verse, I hope to daily grow in grace. Surrendering to Him the fears I have in following what is the right path. There is not fear when Jesus is on my side. As I face each new day, I am to trust in Him and know that my life is in His hands. I am thankful for these truths. For all of these things, I am grateful. 

Deliverance from Fears

 "I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 1:8)

Jeremiah was a young person when God called Him to be a prophet. He was insecure, fearful, and not convinced that he would be capable of speaking to the people. God encouraged Him not to belittle himself by saying that He was just a youth. He told Jeremiah that He would go with him wherever he was sent to.  Then God told him to not be afraid of their faces, "I am with you and will rescue you..." 

Most days, I feel insecure, fearful and incapable of doing even the most basic things required for an organized wife and homeshooling parent. Sometimes I know what is required but I'm scared just like Jeremiah. God spoke so lovingly to Jeremiah and assured Him that He would be with Him. I want to believe that just like for Jeremiah, God will be there to rescue me as well. Jeremiah was promised deliverance from people that he may be afraid of. I desire deliverance from internal fears that stall my character growth. 

The sooner I can embrace that God will in fact be beside me in all the challenges I face or uncomfortable confrontations I have to make, the sooner I can receive blessings of peace and security in Him. I'll embrace a true sense of calm of knowing that I am walking in the way He has called me to walk. Speaking the things that He has called me to speak on. 

I trust that He will be with me and rescue me. I trust that insecurity, fearfulness, and lack of confidence will be replaced with security, courage, and confidence. I accept these things right now. For all of these things I am grateful. 

All things are Possible with God

"All things are possible with God." (Mark 10:27)

When I meditate on this very simple scripture, it reminds me of how you can have either an abundant mindset or a scarcity mindset. The person with an abundant mindset looks at a situation and sees what all is possible and confident that blessings will abound and are plenty. The person with a scarcity mindset looks at a situation and sees only what is lacking and believes there is not enough. 

I have held both mindsets at one point or another. It seems that when I count my blessings and truly look to see who God has been for me in the past, then I can embrace an abundant mindset and can then believe that "all things are possible with God." Other verses come to mind: 

"He can do exceedingly abundantly more than what we ask or imagine." Ephesians 3:20

"Open your mouth wide so I can fill it."

"Eye has not seen nor ear has heard Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him." (1 Cor 2:9) 

These are just a few promises. We limit ourselves by our limiting beliefs. God is beyond what our imaginations can conceive. We may have one thing in mind, while He has something way better. I have dreams/visions for myself, my family, and my children. I trust that God can do the impossible. He can allay my fears and give me a mindset that focuses on wall that God is able to do. I'm thankful for these truths. For all of those things, I am thankful. 

Great Peace and the Love of God

"Great peace have those who love Your law." Psalms 119:165

I love Psalms 119. It's the longest chapter in the Bible broken into 22 sections as an acrostic poem based on the Hebrew alphabet. I've marveled at this passage for years due to the recognition of God's law, testimony commandments or some other similar words mentioned in almost every single one of the 176 verses. There are many that stand out, but this one about the peace that comes when you love God's law, is by far my favorite. 

It reminds me of the state I strive to be in. A state of peace. I desire this, because much of my young adult life I've spent grovelling in the opposite state of peace: anxiety, worry, fear. After years of battling, I've learned many things along the way. One thing I've appreciated is the idea of simply resting and trusting in God's way. His way is found in His law, and His law is the law of love. According to Matt 22:37-40, Jesus says, the first commandment is that "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 

Many people break this down into saying, love God and love man. When we operate out of love for God and man, our lives become simple. We no longer strive for selfish gain, indulgences, or personal profit. Loving others brings great Peace. Jesus says, "...My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27) As I face situations that perplex me or trigger an anxiety-filled response, I can ask God,

"What is the most loving way to handle this? 

"Show me how your law of love is relevant here so I can experience that great Peace that you promise." 

The love of God settles my soul. The peace I receive, I want to impart to the generations after me, to my children and my children's children. God's law of love is the great healer, the balm that soothes my nerves. I accept His peace, the kind that passes all understanding, the kind that guards my heart and mind. Great Peace have those that love His law. I am thankful for this truth. For all of these things, I am grateful. 

Comings and Goings

 "The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalms 121:8

My mother may not be aware of it, but she effortlessly created ample opportunity for me to become independent. Sleep overs galore, overnight trips band and choir trips, school camps, mildly enforced curfew, permission to stroll the neighborhood with friends, and so much more. Raising children in the 80's and 90's looked a lot different from what parenting looks like nowadays. It's like a roaming lamb versus a caged mouse.  The lamb is free to explore, where the mouse is locked away with limited experiences. I'm so thankful my mother raised a little lamb. 

Of course a lot has changed since then. One major thing has changed is that there is way more fear attached to raising children. Whether it is the natural response of us 80's children to the rampant freedom we had, so now we're on the other side of the pendulum. Or maybe it is the technology that has made us hyper aware of all the danger that is out there. Whatever it is, there is fear. I've seen it others and I've seen it in myself. 

Our role as parents is to steer our children in a way where they will become healthy and productive members for society. For religious parents, we seek to encourage them towards a joyous life in God. Psalms 121:8 reminds us that the Lord can watch over our comings and goings as He did for me as a child and I pray He does the same for my children. 

Not all of us have the fear of failing to bring their children into adulthood fully prepared. But for those who have worries, I think of some encouraging examples. Hannah, who after praying years for a child, finally bore a son and then surrendered him to live with the priest Eli to serve God. She chose to trust that God would take care of him. God watched his coming and goings. 

I think of Jochebed, Moses mother who sent him down the Nile river in a basket after the Pharaoh sought to kill all the Hebrew babies. She had to trust that God would take care of her vulnerable infant child. God came through for her because Pharaoh's daughter heard the baby crying in the river and rescued him. God did more than what Jochebed asked or imagined. Because she ended up being able to nurse him throughout his infant years. God watched his coming and goings. 

Lastly, I think of God sending Jesus to earth. He was a vulnerable baby just like Moses. God had to find the right mother to carry Him, the right family to raise Him in.  Of course in God's sovereignty, He knew that the mission would be completed. And so it is with us. He will watch over our comings and goings. He will watch over our children's comings and goings. Our confidence in them, will breed their own inner confidence. We can trust that God will be with them. He watched over me in the past, He will watch my children now, and He will watch them forevermore. I sit in this truth and I trust this.  For all of these things, I am grateful. 

Always a Room for Me

 "My Father's house has many rooms; I am going there to prepare a place for you." (John 14:2)

Holiday seasons can be a joyous time, filled with pleasant memories and carrying out family traditions. For others, it is a reminder of how lonely and unhappy they are. It is a reminder of facing family wounds that often go unspoken. It brings out the unhealthy patterns of family dynamics that often get played out in ways that leave you feeling misunderstood or just plain angry. Or it highlights your failures at being able to give your children a good Christmas because you have no money to buy them nice things. Perhaps you're too burnt out or stressed to even make time to make the holidays a special time. 

I cannot deny recognizing the special feeling of gift giving, love, and hope during this season. Yet, I also cannot help but to empathize with those who feel alone, with no where to go, no family to enjoy gift giving and feasting. 

It's sad how Christmas is portrayed as fun and family and all that is magical and spectacular.  The real reason for the season is to remember that Jesus came to the earth as a baby to be able to give us life. Even among people, we can feel lonely, but in Christ, we can know that He has a place for us. There are rooms available. He is looking to prepare a place for us to be with Him. He didn't have anyone preparing a nice room for Him when He came to earth. Just a humble manger among animals. 

If I can emanate light, love, belonging, peace, and warmth to others no matter what, I would have followed in my Savior's footsteps. My family is the first to get this, for it is my children who will experience the blessings or lack based on how I love.  I choose love, I choose warmth. I pass this on to my children so they can forever feel the love and belonging that I have for them and that God has for them. 

I am grateful that I have a place and that my children do too. He is preparing that place and I am grateful that there is a place for me and my family to belong. 

Do Not Fear

 "I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear." (Isaiah 41:13)

Fear. The response to it is varied. It immobilizes, instills a compulsion to run, or perhaps it stirs up a violent reaction.  

The source is varied. Something external like an aggressive dog with clenched teeth running in your direction, so you fear for you physical safety. Something internal like a ruminating thought about your unworthiness or unlovability, so you fear that you'll always be alone. 

What it seeks to threaten is varied. It can threaten your sense of emotional, physical, or psychological security. Your sense of safety feels compromised. 

However you respond to a threat, the source of the threat, or what type of instability it causes, God has an answer for it all. He will hold your hand. He will help. 

That is the kind of security I want to feel. Instead of the typical fear response, I choose to see Him holding my hand. Whether the source comes outside of myself (a situational trigger) or within myself, (my own unhelpful thoughts) I choose to let God take hold of my hand and say to me 

 "Do not fear, I will help you."

"I am God, nothing is too hard for Me."

"The things you fear will not come to pass." 

"I have not given you a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love and power and of a sound mind." 

In all that we fear, we ought to remember that God loves us and ultimately His plan is to save us. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him will have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

Jesus was sent to save our lives from sin, death, and yes even fear. He has already saved our lives from death, has He not the power to do it again in the things we face in our lives? In the book Sacred Parenting, by Gary L. Thomas, he quotes, C.H. Spurgeon, one of the most influential preachers in church history (1834-1892)

"The Lord seems to say to us, "What I have done before, I will do again. I have redeemed you, and I will still redeem you. I have brought you from under the hand of the oppressor; I have delivered you from the tongue of the slanderer; I have borne you up under the load of poverty and sustained you under the pains of sickness; and I am still able to do the same. Why, then do you fear? Why should you be afraid, since already I have again and again redeemed you? Take heart, and be confident, for ever to old age and to death itself I will continue to be your Redeemer."

I am so grateful for this idea. The idea that fear is abolished when I realize that in my redemption, I have been saved from so much more. I have been saved from death itself. Fear has no place in my life, for it is love, power, and a sound mind that rests in its place. For all of this, I am so grateful. I will be aware of what Jesus did for me on the cross, I will hold God's hand, and I will choose obey when He says, "Do not fear." 

Today I'm Surviving

"The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down." Psalms 145:13

Today I'm surviving

Heart beating, soul crushing, mind wandering, body hanging, I want to give up, but

Today I'm surviving

Dinner is yet to be cooking

My littlest one reaches to highest screeching

The middle one peaks with guttural moaning

The oldest one masters indulgent lazing

Today I'm surviving

The bathroom has become my refuge

The incessant demands have become my nemesis

It's difficult to endure but

Today I'm surviving

I am barely able to make myself move

I realize that instead I have another vision to behold

I want to be thriving

Mindset slowing shifting 

Feet hesitantly moving

Courage gradually rising 

I want to be thriving

Hope renewed

Faith restored, and in my mind, I embrace even more, 

the truth that

I want to be thriving

Heart beat slows, a settling comes over my soul, clear-minded focus and body ready to go. 

I'm pressing on, and soon the sensation comes as a surprise. 

I’ve made, it’s finally here, I’m beginning to thrive. 

Ask, Seek, Knock

 "Everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks the door will be opened."(Matt 7:8)

Ask, seek, knock.  Is it really that simple? I love this verse because Jesus makes it so easy.  Today I had moments where I took this counsel to heart. 

During my prayer time, I asked, Lord, to give my children three things. 1. Wisdom. 2.  The Holy Spirit, 3. A sense of their calling and mission. 

This morning, Benjamin accepted his consequences for a major tantrum the night before. He now has to wait for a special toy he wanted to play for several days. After some crying, he accepted. I believe God is giving him patience. 

Later in the afternoon, Shiloh played a cover to a lyrically rich song by an amazing Christian artist, Sara Groves.  She seemed to embody a person who will soon bless others with music. She sang with conviction and power. I believe, little by little perhaps God is giving her a sense of the calling he has for her. 

In the evening, Norah chose to go outside and calm herself down after an argument she had with Benjamin. She could've chosen to be angry and respond in harshness toward him. Instead, she made a emotionally intelligent decision to do something to calm herself down. I think at that moment, God gave her wisdom. 

My prayers are for my children. I want to see them thrive. I will keep asking, seeking, and knocking, so that God can answer these prayers in a way that brings glory to Him. I am grateful for the way He has blessed. I will continue to ask and receive, seek and find, and knock and open doors. For all of these things, I am so grateful. 

Enduring to the End

 "The one who endures to the end will be saved." Matt 24:13

Jesus was 30 years old before He began His public ministry. He was probably eager to began, but He was patient. Moment by moment, minute by minute, day by day, he kept His eyes on the mark. He saw what was before Him and that He needed to only endure to the end of his life here in earth. At that point, His earthly mission would be fulfilled. Not for one instance did He lose sight of His purpose. That purpose gave Him power to endure to the end. 

Just as it is with Him, so it ought to be with us. Moment by moment, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, we are to keep our eyes on our mission, whatever it may be. Perhaps whatever that is shifts day by day. What is the mission and focus for me? In the short term sometimes it just surviving the day. Sometimes the win is getting to the end of the day without feeling emotionally drained. Sometimes the mission is to just abide with Jesus. Today, I practiced consistently bringing my thoughts back to God's presence abiding with me. When I felt overwhelmed, I directed my mind to embrace God's presence, guidance, and help. I chose to endure during that moment, keep my eyes fixed on Him. 

As I endure, I remember that greater is He that is in me than He that is in the world.  I remember many other precious promises that nurture my heart. I am upheld by Him. His mounts me up with wings like an eagle. He is forever with me and I trust that His help with uphold me in my endurance. 

In spite of the weariness. God is with me to the end. I will choose to trust and fix my eyes on Him. I am thankful and grateful for all that He is to me. As I endure, He abides. 

Always with Me

 "Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matt 28:20)

To those who are fearful of being alone, this passage comes as a soothing balm. Being alone is not a fear for me, but being abandoned is one that triggers a negative emotional response. The presence of God is what I desire. Try as we may to be present to God's reality within our day, it often eludes many to have a heart and mind that is steadfast on them. I believe God is aware of our tendency to forget. This is why certain rituals and customs are implemented lest a whole culture of people forget the ways in which God has led in the past. One of the most powerful ways to be aware of God's presence is in music. 

Music has a way of captivating your emotional side and bringing to your mind a visceral response to words and melodies. When I'm feeling down or if I wish to feel a certain way, I play spiritual music to achieve this. Different moods call for different music of course. But when I especially want to sense the presence of God, I'll play music that feels ethereal, other worldly, harmonic. These sounds go right into my being and I am thankful for the message that is melodically played in my mind. God is with me always. I trust this with music or without it. However, judging by the amount of Psalms written and importance of the ministry of music in the Hebrew temple services, I will utilize all there is to enhance the beauty of God wanting to be with me always. I am grateful for Jesus. I am thankful that He promises to be with me. I thankful for music that reminds me of these truths. For all of these things, I am grateful. 

Words that Hurt, Words that Heal

 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Luke 21:33

The words we hear and whether we believe them or not have such power to impact us for healing or pain. I understand the power of words. When my father told me how beautiful I was, I believed him. As a result, I rarely had insecurities regarding if I was pretty or not. No matter how unattractive I may have been to someone subjectively, because my Dad said it, I believed it. Or when my mother told me that I walked with such confidence that seemed to come from some deep inner source of truth, I believed her. I actually already believed to myself to be confident, but I took her words as a confirmation of my beliefs. Either way, her words had power. All words have power. Whether we realize it or not, what we say or do not say to our loved ones can make an impact on them long term, especially to our children. 

As a parent, I look to God to be my source of power when I need to receive words that heal. What we say as parents can make such an long-lasting impact on them. There are numerous Bible passages that speak to this. There are also many research studies have explored the effect harsh words have on children. 

The words we hear have power, but the words we tell ourselves have even more power. I desire that God's words to become my own. His words are true, they give life, they are transforming. 

I'm grateful for all of Jesus' words. When I dwell on them, there is peace that passes all understanding. Life is so distracting and can crowd out healing words. I choose to direct my mind towards God's words and embrace the abundant life that He desires to give. 

When I feel weak He says, "I give power to the weak, and to those who have no might, I increase their strength."

When I lack peace, He says, " I will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is stayed on me."

When I feel condemned, He says, "When the enemy comes in like a flood, I will raise up a standard against him."

When I feel attacked, He says, "No weapon formed against you shall prosper." 

If I choose to believe these words, what peace and joy would follow. I am grateful for these words. I am thankful that, they are slowly becoming part of the fabric of who I am. For all of these things, I am grateful. 

We Come, He accepts: Belonging

 "All those the Father gives Me will come to Me, and whoever comes to Me I will never drive away." John 6:37

Belonging.  Acceptance. Open arms. God wants us to feel this from Him, and give it to others. Friends, cousins, aunts, step-families, in-laws, all were welcome guests in my home. It didn't matter that many guests were no longer officially family to my mom who had long been divorced from my Dad. Family is family, and they were all welcomed in. This spirit of love and belonging has followed me into adulthood. It is my joy to make people feel like they are special and that they belong. 

So it was quite natural that when I became a Pastor's wife, I would welcome people into my presence as if they were my own family.  In some ways, it has not been hard to fill the seemingly daunting role of being a Pastor's wife. (In other ways there are certainly challenges).  I've embraced my own style of what that looks like, and the core of it is to create a sense of belonging when people enter my presence. The same belonging I feel when I'm in the presence of God. 

I can give this love, because I feel this love from God. I know that He welcomes me in. He will never reject me. His love is everlasting, never-failing, and amazingly abundant. It is my desire that those who profess to believe in Christ, will walk in this way, for this is the true core of the magnetizing effect of His supernatural power. 

Guardian Angels

"He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." Psalms 91:11

Imagine if we woke up each morning and moved about our day with the awareness that angels were present with us. As I make my way out of my cozy bed, I as the Lord's presence to be with me. However, I often forget that angels also ought to be acknowledged for the role that they play in our lives. 

The problem is that I forget. There are so many temptations and distractions we lose the sense of God abiding with us moment by moment. Jesus, who is our examplI, made an intentional effort to have God's presence abide with Him. This proved to be just the thing He needed in order to defeat the enemy. Even after Satan came to tempt Him, Jesus quoted scripture being fully confident of God's power. When it was all over, the devil left Him, and "angels came and attended him." The angels know when to come in at the right time to help us when we need it most. 

As I think back on recent and past experiences, I have seen the way the angels have protected me. My prayer is for God to abide in me so that I may know that He has power to send His angels to help me as I walk in His ways. I am grateful for the ministering work of the angels. I choose to direct my mind to all that is available for me. I hope to never forget. I'm grateful for the angels. I am grateful for the ways they have guarded my ways. 

The Blessings of Humility

 "...He crowns the humble with victory." (Psalms 149:4)

Modest, unassuming, unpretentious, meek, reserved, and demure. These are descriptors of a person who is humble. The opposite is haughty, arrogant, ostentatious, pretentious, conceited. If I were to choose how to be, I'd choose to be humble. With humility there is room to be brought up higher. Your puffed up sense of self is non-existent and therefore harder to crush. Life is more peaceful when you take a humble approach. There is nothing to defend and protect. You take life as it comes and trust all things to God. 

I'm not sure what role humility plays in anxiety, anger, or depressive thoughts. Perhaps the more humility you possess, the lower the self-protection, which may lead to a smaller chance of experiencing, worry, anger, or negative thoughts.  However it works, it's worth leaning into.  I see humility along the same vein as self-respect. God can work with a person who understands the limits to her ability. This is what a humble person does.  They recognize how faulty we all are as human beings and doesn't feel personally attacked when someone calls that out in them. 

This is what I aspire to be. There are blessings in humility 

To Suffer and To Uplift

 "Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:18)

I think it's amazing how God works. He came down from heaven, clothed in humanity and suffered temptations. Temptations. The same kind of that we go through. But it doesn't stop there. Because He was tempted, He now is able to help us who are also tempted. His divinity is not beyond the human struggle. What a thought.  

He wants to help us, because He suffered the pain of being tempted. He doesn't just want to help us, He wants us to help others too. He set an example for us to help and uplift others as we also overcome our own temptations as well. Have you suffered temptation and found a way to overcome it? Do you feel it a duty to help others who may suffer like you have? 

For me, I have suffered from negative spiraling thoughts. When this happens, then comes anxiety and depression. I am so thankful for the things I've suffered, because, now I can speak of my experiences and try to help those who are struggling with the temptation towards negative thinking and deep depression. 

I thank God that He can help me in any temptation. He is available. If I open my eyes, pay attention and embrace His ever-present help I realize He is always there. He is such a good God. For this, I am so thankful. 

Faithful and Steadfast: Coping with Parental Failures

"Know that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps steadfast love with those who love Him." (Deut 7:9)

Hot pink bougainvillea petals, giant creme colored hydrangea blossoms, a colorful vegetable garden and manicured grass often blessed me with peace of mind when I visited my backyard sanctuary. But on this day, as I paced barefoot on the lush grass, peace was nowhere to be found. 

I was 9 months pregnant with my first born and up until this moment I was elated. But then the thought of raising a baby with abundant love and nurture sent me into a panic. I questioned if I would be capable of giving her the love that she needed to thrive in this world. I thought of if I would fail her and cause irreparable damage. As I swirled deeper into a negative spiral, another thought popped in my head. It was God telling me, "You may fail her, but I never will."

This was exactly the peace that I needed. The unnecessary anxiety was replaced with immense joy at the truth that is a God is a good God. That He is faithful and steadfast. He loves those who love Him. At that point, I realized that one of my main goals was to teach my child about the unfailing love of God. 

Now, with 3 kids living under my roof that I care for 24/7,  I realize that there will be moments when I fail. These failures can be detrimental. Knowing all I know about child development, I realize that long-term, consistent, damaging parental failures can lead to devastating results for children when they become adults. But what gives me hope is that I have a God who can make up for all of my shortcomings. I know, that when I come to the feet of the cross, God hears my prayers and loves my children more than I do. I realize that God is faithful. In my own life, I have been resilient despite parental failures. He can do the same for my children. 

Parents fail, yet because of God, I have hope, faith, and trust that all will be well. He will hold my children close to Him as they seek after Him. He will be there for them as they invite Him into their lives. He will show up for them because He is faithful. He will do these things as they invite Him into their lives, just as He has done them for me. 

I live in a new place, with a new backyard. But now I have a front yard sanctuary where I spend time to reflect on God's goodness. I am thankful for who He is.  He will never fail me, He will never fail my children when they seek for Him, even if I do.  And for that, I am thankful. 

"When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me." (Psalms 27:10)

Submitting to God in Prayer

 "In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:6)

When I think of this verse where it says to submit "all our ways to Him." It got me thinking of the manner in which we are to submit. Prayer. That is the way. The proverb says that when we do this, God will make our paths straight. How many of us would want our paths to be straightened? If so, God can do it. We do it by communing with Him in prayer. If only we would make it a priority.  Here is a long but powerful passage from the book, Words to Winners of Souls by Horatius Bonar, a Scottish Presbyterian Minister born in the early 1800's. His counsel is to Christians, ministers, and gospel workers. The title of the passage is "Time for Everything But Prayer." 

"Why is there so little anxiety to get time to pray? Why is there so little forethought in laying out of time and employments so as to secure in a large portion of each day for prayer? Why is there so much speaking, yet so little prayer? Why is there so much running to and fro, yet so little prayer? Why so much bustle and business, yet so little prayer? Why so many meetings with our fellow-men, yet so few meetings with God? Why so little being alone, so little thirsting of the soul for the calm, sweet hours of unbroken solitude, when God and His child hold fellowship together as if they could never part? It is the want of these solitary hours that not only injures our own growth in grace but makes us such unprofitable members of the church of Christ and renders our lives useless. In order to grow in grace, we must be much alone. It is not in society-even in Christian society- that the soul grows most rapidly and vigorously. In one single quiet hour of prayer it will often make more progress than in days of company with others. It is in the desert that the dew falls freshest and the air is purest. So with the soul. It is when none but God is nigh; when His presence alone, like the desert air in which there is mingled no noxious breath of man, surrounds and pervades the soul; it is when that the eye gets the clearest, simplest view of eternal certainties; it is when that the soul gathers in wondrous refreshment and power and energy. 

    And so it is also in this way that we become truly useful to others. It is when coming out fresh from communion with God that we go forth to do His work successfully. It is in the closet that we get our vessels so filled with blessing, that, when we come forth, we can not contain it to ourselves but must, as by a blessed necessity, pour it out whither-soever we go. We cannot say, as did Isaiah: "My Lord, I stand continually upon the watchtower in the daytime, and I am set in my ward whole nights." (Isa.21:8). Our life has not been lying-in-wait for the voice of God. "Speak, Lord; for thy servant heareth" (1Sam 3:9), has not been the attitude of our souls, the guiding principle of our lives. Nearness to God, fellowship with God, waiting upon God, resting in God, have been too little characteristic either of our private or ministerial walk. Hence our example has been powerless, our labors so unsuccessful, our sermons so meager, our whole ministry so fruitless and feeble.  

It is not a secret why there is little power in our lives and in the church. It is due to a lack of prayer as described above. After reading this, it makes me want to fall on my knees and commune with God. I hope for the same effect to whoever reads it.  

I'm thankful that I can submit all my ways to God, when I take the time to pray. In prayer, His presence is with me and I am satisfied. I thank God that He is available to me and that he will direct my paths as I wait and listen for Him. Submission happens in prayer. In doing such, He straightens my path.

  

All our Needs

 "My God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus." (Phil 4:19)

Physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, relationship needs, whatever our needs may be, God is able to provide.  As an occasional sufferer of anxiety, I notice that many times I am hyper focused on some need within me that needs to be met. It is usually in the form of an emotional need. Security, peace of mind, stability, respect, unconditional love etc. What seems to quell this need, is time and experience. 

With experience,  we look at the past and see how God provides, which gives us hope for the future in knowing He can do it again. With time, our minds clear up enough to see the goodness of God that we couldn't see in the moment when we felt hopeless that God would care for our needs. 

It is amazing to me how clouded my vision is when I'm in an active moment of anxiety or negative spiraling thinking. Some mental health clinicians call it a "cognitive distortion." In those moments, you lack the cognitive ability to see things from a proper view, instead, it's distorted. With experience, we are able to know deep down that God is able to provide. If only we choose to remember and recount these things regularly so we don't forget. 

My need for confidence in making the best educational choice for my children. He provides.

My need for more patience when I or my loved ones make blundering mistakes. He provides.

My need for a restful state of mind when I'm in need of rest. He provides. 

My need for a deeper trust in His simple promises to me. He provides.  

Today, I am thankful that in Christ Jesus, there are riches in His glory. I'm thankful that God provides for all of my needs. Every day, the evidence of His blessings are there. I'm thankful for each small and large blessing that comes my way. I embrace the riches of Christ's glory. I trust that He will continue to provide for all of my needs. What He has done for me, He longs to do for all those who will let Him in. 

A Humble and Teachable Spirit

 "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way." (Psalms 25:9)

When I lived in Michigan, there was a guy I knew who always had wise quips to say. When it came to telling long stories he would say, "Ok, cut the fat." When something funny happened, he would say a verse from a song, "Mercy said no!" But the one phrase he would say when talking about working with people is that, in order to teach well, you have to have a Teachable spirit. I always loved this concept because it suggests that in order to make an impact on someone, they have to be willing to be taught, you can't teach a person who is unwilling to learn. With this also comes humility. Humility says, I will put my self aside for a moment and listen. I will pay attention and not let pride rise up. So when I think of this verse, it reminds me of what it takes to be led, guided, and taught. You have to be Teachable and humble.  

I thank God that He is willing to guide me if I set myself and my ways aside. 

I thank God that He is able to teach me when I choose to be humble. 

I choose to have a humble spirit. I am thankful for all that God wants to teach me. 

Favor, Honor, and Good Things

 "The Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless." (Psalms 84:11)

Favor, honor, good things. These are all ours as a natural result of walking with integrity. A recurrent theme of many of the scriptures I've been meditating on, is the idea that God is good. He wants our best interest. How frequently is it that we somehow believe that God is there to punish and condemn us? He wants good for me. He wants good for all of those who love Him. 

Can we dare to believe that God is a good God? Can we experience the truth that He is available to us when we ask? How do we come to know and believe that these things are true? A true knowledge of God is what it takes. Knowing that His love is so great that He would bestow favor and honor and not withhold any good thing from us. 

I take comfort in this verse about knowing God: 

“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:23,24)

Rest for the Weary

"Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

A lack of rest does quite a lot to the human body. Sluggish sloven habits, low frustration tolerance, limited ability to follow through with discipline, poor judgment, foggy brain, shortened life span. I could go on.I appreciate a day of rest, and I practice that weekly. 

But what about the daily rest for the mind? What about carrying a restful spirit with you when not working or laboring. Homeschooling and parenting well can be a constant pull on our emotional reserves. Even when well rested it can be a challenge, but when we are sleep/rest deprived, it is far worse. 

In this very moment, I choose to be thankful in advance for the rest that comes when I know that I can go and receive all that my Savior wants to bless me with. To the weary and burdened, He says come. With such an invitation, how could I say no?

Thank you for mental rest

Thank you for physical rest

Thank you for emotional rest

For all these things, I am thankful. 

All Things?

 "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28)

I wonder how much more peace I'd have if I were to embrace this in the very moment of an intense struggle. When things are going well, it's easier to say this verse as it rolls right off the tongue as a naive platitude. But what if we looked and paid attention to all of the ways this verse is actually true?

I think of how I felt left out because I was a late bloomer but now I’m thankful and realize that was a protection against potentially dangerous attention from guys.

 I think of my my parents divorce and how that led to my mom's strong conviction to put my brother and I in a Christian private school which set me toward a path towards spiritual activities and a loving community that my mom needed to help raise us.

I think of being  4 or 5 years away from completing my PhD and deciding it was too long, regretting it later, only to be blessed with an opportunity to work in ministry full-time, meet my husband, and birth my 3 children.

In all these things, God worked out the situation for the good. In His goodness, He can bring out a blessing even from the horrible things that we may experience. He's that good of a God. If we pay attention, we'll see the blessing in the trial. We'll recognize that truly all things are good, when we love God and embrace Him. 

I am grateful that no matter what, God can turn things around. There is a blessing beyond the struggle. For this, I am thankful. 

Following the Light

 "Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12)

My oldest daughter Shiloh loves a good story. While we sat in a parking lot eating our subway sandwich as family radio buzzed in the background, she began sharing interesting facts about the story of the Titanic tragedy.  It was very fascinating. I learned quite a lot about a story in history that I didn't really know much more about then what I’ve seen in the motion picture movie. It got me thinking about other stories of recent history that fascinated me.

I immediately thought of the Jonestown massacre. We pulled out of the parking lot and on our 30 minute route home, I told the story of Jim Jones and how he amassed a following of hopeful believers that followed him to establish a utopian- like settlement in Guyana. 

Later that evening, I began an obsessive search of survivor stories, facts, and first hand accounts of all that happened leading up to that fateful day.  On November 18 1978 over 900 men, women, and children died by either voluntary or forced ingestion of grape flavor-aid, laced with poison. Many of them had been with the religious group for years and were used to trusting their charismatic leader. They followed him, because they believed that it would lead to a better life. Instead, many of died unwillingly at the hands of a person they trusted and followed. How could so many people be led away? 

There are lots of reasons why they chose to follow him. Regardless of those perhaps very legitimate reasons, I'm so thankful for the promise that Jesus gave that if we follow Him, we will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life. After I told my girls the story, I emphasized how important it is to follow the words of Jesus alone. To study the Bible themselves and have a true and deep understanding of Jesus. Guru's, spiritual teachers, religious leaders all have something meaningful to say.  Sometimes certain aspects of truth are sprinkled in with certain ideas that are off base. For example, Jim Jones actually did quite a bit to further racial integration and racial equality in his home town in Indiana. However, at the end of the day, I choose to place my whole trust and confidence in one person. That person is Christ Jesus. 

My choice is to follow Jesus. Day by day moment by moment, keeping my eyes on Him. His counsel, His ways. There are so many distractions. For me it's the distractions that happen within myself, anxiety, worry, concern etc. Those distractions can shift my focus on my problems instead of what God has said He's able to do for me.  So, my choice is to follow light. 

Afflictions and Deliverance

 "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." (Psalms 34:19)

I don't like conflict, bad news, or discomfort of any sort. My natural tendency is to avoid challenges at all costs. Some people run toward trouble, I run away. I know this well about myself which is why I've learned to force myself to endure hard things. As I read this passage, it is clear that afflictions are unavoidable, inevitable, and are probably right around the corner.  

It's a little scary to realize that walking righteously on this earth doesn't protect you from problems.  But despite the inevitable challenges that life brings, deliverance is available. I must accept that I will face challenges and difficulties, but God is there. Two truths stand out in this passage. 1) You can be righteous and still afflicted.  2)You can be afflicted, but delivered from them all. 

What truth do you prefer to dwell on?  The afflictions or the deliverance? I choose to dwell on the deliverance. 

Thank You in advance for the deliverance from the afflictions that are yet to come. I trust that you will deliver me from them all. This truth I hold in my heart. Thank you for the deliverance, I know the afflictions will come. In spite of this, I choose to be grateful. 

If You Believe...

 "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."Matt 21:22

I believe this is true. In the next few days, I will watch all the things that I ask for to come to fruition. I know it will be fulfilled, because it is God's will to bring certain things to realization. He doesn't force Himself on us, so these things don't happen unless we ask. 

I ask for: 

• Abiding presence. I ask for God's abiding presence to surround me, like an invisible force-field filled with love, joy, peace that permeates to all around me. In short, the Holy Spirit, which God is pleased to bestow on His children. 
• Remembrance. The ability to remember that all I need is found in God. His promises are abundant and I love to remember that I am completely satisfied in Him. He provides all that I need, at all times. He blesses my loved ones. I ask for the remembrance of God's blessings on my family and friends. If He has been there for them in the past, as I pray I know that He can show up again. 
• Knowledge of Him. I ask for a deep, understanding and knowledge of God: His ways, His character, and the extent of His love. I ask that this knowledge would lead to a deep trust where there's less worry and more faith. 

Asking, receiving, believing. I am grateful for these things. I embrace all that God desires for me and my loved ones. I choose to trust Him in feast or famine, come hell or high water. I am His and He is mine. And for that, I am grateful. 

Built to Function in the Fog

Shaky, jittery body awakes in the noisy morning. Girls meddle, baby shuffles, husband prepares breakfast. 

Before the endless tasks of the day, before the complaining sighs of two absorbed bookworms, before the dawdling juvenile feet unmotivated to do chores, before the raucous disorganized dawning hours, a woman sits in her bed too frightened to get up and face the day. She fears events that have yet to come. She wishes for a new reality. 

In that bed sits a life struggling to find joy in the endless demand to make things right. Yet she bravely accomplishes the duties set before her. A dismal outlook and distorted thinking attempts to squelch the numerous blessings laid in plain sight. 

Thankfully, faith has won. I am the frightened women stuck in bed. I am the life who sometimes can't seem to find the joy in the daily. I am also the one who dares to see what is notable and beautiful. And while often carried off in daydreams of accomplishing some great work more satisfying than the current reality, I succeed in bringing myself to the present. 

•  8-year old hands arranging deli sandwiches beautifully
  
• Wet kisses from my little man
• Dance of the "Tap Tap Bus" (an original composition by Benjo)
  
• Time to write and relax
• Comfort of my new snuggly plush blanket
• Choreographed toddler tunes
• Smile of a girl who forgot what she was going to say during worship
• Colorful math pages Norah creates
• Swift dozing to sleep from my littlest one
• Shiloh's bath hijacked by a curious diapered baby
• An impromptu home school podcast Norah produces with surprisingly useful tips
• Early retirement to bed
• A kitchen cleaned 85% (better than nothing)
  
• Mr. Peter Clark's #1 writing tool understood and utilized
  

Autonomy to function on my own terms beckons me. The drive to live life in alignment with doing the good works instilled in me since I was a child. I keep these treasures in my heart knowing one day God will unveil them as the days go by. 

In the meantime, I am to be faithful in the work that's before me. Functioning in the fog is what I am to do. It's hard, it's monotonous, it's physically painful, but it is the job I am to do now. There are so many blessings. I will keep my eyes on the blessings. I will keep my eyes on what's possible.