Moving in the Right Direction...

A quick selfie during a much needed hike with the kids

"The great thing in this world, is not so much where we are, but in which direction we are moving." ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Lately, lunch and dinner meals with the kids have been a wonderful time of learning, sharing, discussing, and sometimes even wild impromptu songwriting. For so long, I've wanted to take time to teach a "class" to the kids. An elective class. A fun class. An exciting yet deeply useful class. A class that teaches the values that I want to instill in them. But for whatever reason, I haven't been able to find the time or make it happen. However, a wonderful thing takes place once you start to organize small aspects of your life: more time. More time for the things that really matter. 

For about a month now, I've been relentless at cleaning, tidying, organizing almost every nook and cranny of my home in a very systematic way. (the FLY lady method). There are a few things that have begun to happen as a result of this intense focus on cleaning and organizing my physical space.

 

 Intentional Connected Time with Kids

This comes in the form of afternoon Emotional Intelligence EQ lessons at the lunch table, soccer playing on the grassy outdoor field with Benjo, one-on-one Spanish lessons with Norah, engaged listening to creative storytelling with Shiloh. I am not rushed, the house is tidy, I have a schedule for the day, I've made room for the unexpected. Oh, I am not cleaning alone by the way. The kids help me and even in that, we can have extended praise/dance sessions while cleaning together because I know once the house is clean they can have free time to do as they please. 

 

Clarity of Goals

I am more clear on my goals. The physical space that is so tidy and clear is definitely a representation of the mental space that is becoming more clear by the day. I don't let those moments pass either. I have a planner where I can write ideas down as they come. Just like everything in the house is finding a home, it's like the rapid and random thoughts that come to my mind have a home as well. I can place it in a journal, on the calendar, or a mental file in my brain. It's all getting cleaned up. A song lyric playing attaches to goal I once had. 

Time to Accomplish Personal Goals

With all the mental clarity, then comes the time to actually accomplish the goals.  There's not a ton to clean in the house at night. So when I sit down to think, I can think without the worry of a dirty kitchen. The tidyiness has freed up time to work on my goals. I admit that for a quick moment, I fell into the trap of being so obsessive with cleaning that it became the overreaching goal. But I see it as a means to an end, so that I can spend time doing the things that I really enjoy doing.  Writing, reading, hosting, chatting, gardening, exercising, etc.

Habits that Stick

And speaking of goals, establishing good habits is usually at the top of my list of goals. 
The cool thing about staying on a grind for a month or so, is that those habits begin to stick.  There have been countless nights in the past month or so where my husband walks in the kitchen and says, "don't worry about all those dishes" At first, I was like, "yea, you're right" But after doing it day in and day out, it feels very off to not have a perfectly good kitchen clean at the end of the evening. Of course things can't always be perfect, but it really has become a habit. and the thing about habits is that when done consistently, it takes little thinking, cajoling, or forcing. It just happens. The idea is not to do this for a set time, but for this all to become a lifestyle and a true transformation of character.  

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. " Lao Tze

 

The beauty in all of this is that I'm beginning to see a clear path. I have embraced my role as a homemaker, child hugger, husband whisperer, and home beautifier. I no longer see this as a temporary thing to hurry up and get over with so that I can really live my own life and dreams. I'm really beginning to see that each season is to be cherished and nurtured to make room for other beautiful things that God has in store. Kind of how I have leaned into being more intentionally organized and that makes a way for the beautiful things of loving, sharing, and caring. My prayer is that I will continue to on this path of listening to Him daily as He guides and strengthens me. I still have challenges in going to sleep early, or getting a little distracted online. However, slowly but surely, it is all coming together. I'm moving in the right direction. So as you look on your life, think about, what direction are you going?

 

To Sass or not to Sass?

 

Every parent desires their child to be kind, respectful and to have a generally good character. The prime time to nail this is….as soon as they are born! But typically during their early years where they are more impressionable. Well, even if you were not as intentional about helping your kids form a good character (for whatever reason) here are some simple things that I do, that will help boost a child’s respect and kindness. 

 

One, they must address me as ma’am. I don’t live in the South, so this is not a typical phrase that you’ll hear in where I live. This simple requirement alone increases the respect factor immensely. 

 

Two, do not let them get away with any hint of minor or major disrespect.  This is where sometimes I make the mistake of allowing my kids to talk rudely even if it’s minor.  But ultimately phrases like “That didn’t sound respectful please try again.” or You are not to speak in that tone.” Or “How about we go to the room until your attitude changes”. These all help. Today, I sent a child to the room, they came out with a better attitude and an apology. I made a joke, she laughed and it was over. The offense was not major, but I wanted to make a clear statement that sassin’ is not acceptable behavior in this house.

 

Three, present yourself as respectable and you will receive respect. Losing control, yelling, screaming, acting a fool, can sometimes lead to a loss of respect your child has for you. This is the opposite effect you want to have. I’m not saying that it’s always wrong to be intense with our kids when necessary.  However, when we exhibit a down right expression of loss of self-control, it can damage the emotional connection and the respect built up between parent and child.  

     

So these are the tools I practiced today and I must say, that for the most part, all went well. They addressed me appropriately and that set the tone. I did not allow an instance of even minor sassiness to go unnoticed, whether they were serious on joking. Lastly, I tried my best not to fly off the handle, but spoke firm and deliberate instead. Overall, I can say that today was a win!

Sleep: It's a Good Thing

    It's day 2 of this writing Challenge. I certainly did not start out thinking I would be cataloguing this online. But here we go. Accountability is a good thing. So a writer doesn't write in a vacuum. There is usually a passion behind why someone writes. Before Gloria Steinem became known as a feminist activist, she wrote for various publications on subjects that interested her. It just so happens that feminism was what she became most known for. For me, I am interested in countless topics. Education, parenting, human trafficking, habit formation, child development, health, and most recently marine life, namely the colossal squid. However, the topic that is immediately pressing right now is sleep.  

    I'm going to share something that those close to me may already know.  I am addicted to late nights. Seriously, it is the time of day where I can take my time, read, take a long shower, all undisturbed. I know I’m not alone in this and I’m sure there are others who can corroborate with the bliss of this time. Gretchin Rubin in her book, Better than Before, used the term “Revenge sleep” to describe that feeling of alone time that people take and night because they don’t have time to themselves. As nice as it is, I can tell that it is now taking a toll on my health. Going to bed close to midnight and waking up and 6 for several days in a row is bound to take some kind of effect. So what are some practical ways or creative ideas that have helped me to go to bed early? I’ll share what has worked for me in the past. 

Good days Work Done     

 One thing that has helped is knowing that I’ve got a good days work of work in. That is, the kitchen is clean, there are no more chores to do in the evening, or I’ve done my most important work in the day. Going to bed with a clean kitchen, clean living room, and a clear conscience knowing that I did my best, puts me in a position where I won’t have to stay up too long to complete those tasks. 

Follow Set Routine 

 Another thing that has helped is to follow a short but predictable evening routine. I know this from research and from experience that this works. The challenge with this is that I typically have too many items on my list. So the most important is praying, and writing down a list of things to do in the morning. If I can't manage a clear to do list, a general "brain dump" works well too. A brain dump is listing everything that needs to be done or concerns you have. Putting it on paper gets it out of your mind. Of course making sure I shower for a shorter time also gets me in bed earlier. (long showers are a guilty pleasure) Along with following a routine, having a set bedtime will ensure that I'm doing my routine in a timely manner. Right now my bedtime is between 10 and 11. Each week, I'll try to shave a few minutes off.

Express Gratitude

 Lastly, a generally grateful attitude can really soothe a worried mind. This piece is crucial because a really huge factor in me going to sleep late is worry. My mind races so fast and I know there are things I may have forgotten to do, or anxiety associated with making sure the house runs smoothly the next day, or myriad of other worries. When I lay down on the bed and just give thanks to God and trust that I did my best, this helps. 

    Overall, I’m very motivated to do my best to get to bed earlier. I do have a health coach that I started meeting with a few weeks back, so this extra accountability really helps. It’s been far too many days where it takes all of my willpower to be pleasant when I'm actually feeling groggy and on edge. I trust that I can do what it takes for my health's sake. I value health and wellness. If I am to take my values seriously, I need to put sleep right up there on the priority list. I have with it takes. I’m confident that this will get better. I'll just take one day at a time.

30 Day Writing Challenge- Let's Go!

    Today is September 1, 2022. The first day of the month and the ninth month of the year. Let me just share how much I love the beginning of a new month, new week, new day, and new year. For now, I'm loving that this is the beginning of a new month. I've been doing 30 day challenges each month for many years now. During that time, I've noticed that certain challenges were more successful than others. One of the ones that were very successful were writing challenges. So today, marks the first day of September and the first day of my journey to writing productivity. But why am I doing this writing challenge yet again anyways? I will share three reasons why. 

    First, it will make me more productive. How? Writing daily like this will make me more productive in that I will be able to master jotting down my ideas quickly. One of my rules in this challenge is to set a timer and write. Writing in this time constraint will force me to quickly articulate my ideas. Writing down ideas quickly leads me to the second reason why I want to do this challenge. 

    Secondly, doing this challenge will give me an actual forum to share my ideas. I come across so many concepts and principles from books, conversations, or my devotionals, that it just necessitates a opportunity to have an outlet share these things. One of my professors once shared that "writing is thinking". Popular nonfiction author and educator Willam Zinsser reminds us in his book "Writing to Learn" that writing helps us formulate the things that we know. So ultimately writing out my ideas will help me articulate them and further cement the ideas in my mind. 

Lastly, it will help me build the practice of writing daily. From what I've learned from successful writers, artists, musicians and other creatives, getting in a habit of working on their craft consistently and regularly is what keeps them doing what they're doing. Painters paint, vocalists sing, cartoonists draw, and writers write. If I am to take this passion gift/obsession seriously, I must have a grind of doing what I need to do to hone this craft. I'm excited about the journey. We'll see where this goes and I trust that all the work done in writing and articulating ideas will bear fruit. (articles written, posts posted, impact made, etc.) But this all begs the question, what is it that's worth writing about?

More of This, Less of That

I really enjoy our home school days. I love being able to teach my children and allow for their natural talents and abilities to develop. I love seeing them involved in creative projects that capture their attention. With that being said, there are still areas that I want to grow in. Here are some things that I want more of and other things that I want less of. 

More: 

• Dedicated time to write letters, bake cookies, and generally serve people in creative ways
• Outdoor projects, outdoor play
• Music, art projects, creative pursuits for fun 
• Science and history art displays, presentations, visual projects
  
• Experimenting with fun recipes
  
• Developing friendships with good people
  

Less: 

• Time/ reliance on the screen during down times, even if it's school related
• Unstructured time that can be used for the things above (some is good, but not too much)
  
• Cleaning things myself without calling them to help
• Giving them a pass on fulfilling their responsibilities because I'd rather do it myself quickly
  

I think this is a good prescription of what I want to see more and less of. I'm confident we'll keep enjoying our days. Things will likely shift and we'll keep tweaking our daily flow as needed. Overall, I am so grateful I get to do what I do.  I thank God for the blessing of educating my children.  

Learning, Growing, Flourishing

 

When I first started to revive this blog, it was because I wanted to write without feeling the pressure of having to write for an audience. I wanted to do something that was just for me.  I also wanted to chronicle our homeschooling journey this year. I took a big hiatus from writing for several reasons. Despite the 3 month pause, our lives continue to be full of fun activity and lessons learned from our homeschooling adventures this year. Here are a few highlights.

Horsemanship Classes

So I made a big decision to dedicate a large part of our funds to Horsemanship classes. We have such a great opportunity to take these classes and I want to take advantage. My friend who had her kids in last year, said she saw a difference in them going once a week verses going once every 2 weeks. When her kids were going once a week, she saw a leap in their character development. For example, her son began taking more leadership roles in the home. 

This is inspiring and I can see how my girls will build their confidence as a result of working with horses. I'm excited to see how they will blossom. Saying yes to horses also means saying no to other classes like gymnastics and piano. However, I do plan to have them take those classes very soon. But I want to dedicate some time into this and see how they flourish. Going once a week will also help in setting some regularity in our home and gets our week started off on a high note!

Co-op Involvement

The holidays put a big pause on our involvement with co-op. We got out of the rhythm and mindset. Many of the moms know each other from other contexts and have a deeper bond. I had been tempted to feel like I was out of the loop. But that will not deter me from maintaining connection. Today, my oldest didn't want to go and honestly every Wednesday I loathe it too. But I can't deny that almost every time when we return, I feel so satisfied that we went. It definitely adds value to our lives. Playing well with other kids is a skill that is important to develop. Going to co-op gives them this opportunity.

Virtual Academy

We successfully completed the first semester of co-op. It was alot of hard work, but we were able to recoup $250 because the girls scored at least 90% for attendance and class work. The key to success in this program is organization. Being part of Virtual Academy forces me to be organized and to stay on point. The program reveals the fact that I need some serious help in this area, but I'm up for the challenge. The girls are doing so well. They find it challenging, yet not too hard. They are getting the practice that they need to excel in Language arts and Math. Their teachers are excellent. Both of them are enthusiastic, calm, effective, engaged, and highly qualified. I value a good education for the girls. While this program may be alot for some, it is good for us....at least for now. 

More Blessings Ahead

Overall, I am happy with the way things are going. In regards to the core 5 principles I value in a homeschool program, we can do better. This semester I look forward to more service related projects, more letter writing, more playdates, more socials/ get-togethers, and more order in the different areas of life. I am thankful that I get to educate my children in the way we've chosen this year. Despite the hard work and the challenges that come, I am so grateful...I am so blessed.  

Other Notable Highlights: 

San Diego Zoo

Ministerial Retreat

Bakersfield Trip

Christmas Play

What Horsemanship Teaches My Kids

Norah's first time cleaning hooves 

 

Shiloh cleaning Jet's hooves

 

 

One awesome thing about homeschooling is being able to make time for cool classes. I've wanted the girls to get into horse riding classes for so long and finally an opportunity opened up. I'm so glad we chose this activity over say piano or gymnastics. Those will come in due time, but for now this is what we'll be sticking the time being. We're a musical family so we have plenty of moments to practice music. Horse riding is something that takes them outdoors and is completely novel from their everyday home school life.  Here are a few things I think it will teach them. 

Character Development

The life lessons that come out of spending time with horses is enormous. By observing the horses temperament and training the horse, my children can learn obedience because the horse has to obey orders. They'll have to learn assertiveness because you have to be strong, direct, and in charge when guiding the horse. They develop patience because it takes time to train a horse. Horses simply do not become tame overnight. Lastly, something special happened listened to the instructor teach. She was using the very words I use at home to teach my kids character lessons. I was so pleased that I text my husband right on the spot. What I teach at home is emphasized their class. They get character development on both ends.

Camaraderie

Shiloh and Norah with some new friends

The horsemanship group is small and intimate creating the perfect condition for camaraderie.  On the girls'  first day, I observed how the kids encouraged each other while practicing new skills.   The camaraderie seems like it will take place quite naturally. When everyone gets to experience the same lesson and learn together, a tie and bond forms. Team work becomes important as they work together in caring and training the horses. I'm looking forward to more instances of the group building camaraderie.

The Great Outdoors

 

Balance practice on Cocoa

Lastly, horsemanship classes further cements in the children a love for the great outdoors. Where we live already gives credence to that, but being active outdoors in the fresh air is far more desirable than what an indoor gym can offer. The grit, the thick skinned, the courage that's required to work outdoors in difficult weather shapes their countenance in such a beautiful way. Any reason for me to be outside enjoying nature is a plus! 

 

Looking for the Fruit

Overall, I'm so excited about what's to come with these classes. The instructor is patient and highly skilled in how she teaches. She clearly presented the risks and benefits of working with horses and her passion for horses is evident. We'll see how it goes throughout the year. Ultimately, I am blessed and I am grateful I get to do this with other mom friends. I am grateful. I am blessed.