Shaky, jittery body awakes in the noisy morning. Girls meddle, baby shuffles, husband prepares breakfast.
Before the endless tasks of the day, before the complaining sighs of two absorbed bookworms, before the dawdling juvenile feet unmotivated to do chores, before the raucous disorganized dawning hours, a woman sits in her bed too frightened to get up and face the day. She fears events that have yet to come. She wishes for a new reality.
In that bed sits a life struggling to find joy in the endless demand to make things right. Yet she bravely accomplishes the duties set before her. A dismal outlook and distorted thinking attempts to squelch the numerous blessings laid in plain sight.
Thankfully, faith has won. I am the frightened women stuck in bed. I am the life who sometimes can't seem to find the joy in the daily. I am also the one who dares to see what is notable and beautiful. And while often carried off in daydreams of accomplishing some great work more satisfying than the current reality, I succeed in bringing myself to the present.
- 8-year old hands arranging deli sandwiches beautifully
- Wet kisses from my little man
- Dance of the "Tap Tap Bus" (an original composition by Benjo)
- Time to write and relax
- Comfort of my new snuggly plush blanket
- Choreographed toddler tunes
- Smile of a girl who forgot what she was going to say during worship
- Colorful math pages Norah creates
- Swift dozing to sleep from my littlest one
- Shiloh's bath hijacked by a curious diapered baby
- An impromptu home school podcast Norah produces with surprisingly useful tips
- Early retirement to bed
- A kitchen cleaned 85% (better than nothing)
- Mr. Peter Clark's #1 writing tool understood and utilized
Autonomy to function on my own terms beckons me. The drive to live life in alignment with doing the good works instilled in me since I was a child. I keep these treasures in my heart knowing one day God will unveil them as the days go by.
In the meantime, I am to be faithful in the work that's before me. Functioning in the fog is what I am to do. It's hard, it's monotonous, it's physically painful, but it is the job I am to do now. There are so many blessings. I will keep my eyes on the blessings. I will keep my eyes on what's possible.